Reclaiming Worthiness Beyond Titles and Trauma
By Dr Vaishali Sonavane
This morning I woke up with that same notion—and a choking, suffocating feeling of being unworthy, undeserving, unwanted, denied, rejected, reduced, and refused. I was in pain.
I started feeling anxious—for no apparent reason. This has been there since I can remember. This is the pain I am attempting to name, as a survival strategy, when I write and publish on my blogs.
I woke up with a strong voice in my mind, constantly repeating:
“You’re no good. You can’t be good. You’re not enough. The achievements you have are by chance, given as a favour. This is not proof that you are enough. You are not worthy at all.”
I was determined to stay with these defeating feelings, even after working on myself every day, every moment.
The Roots of the Belief
What must have been the earlier force that made me believe my own efforts were never enough? That placed labels on me, forced identities upon me, and shaped my belief system about myself?
Louise Hay says a child is natural and never feels undeserving. They feel the opposite. What must have happened inside me for me to believe otherwise?
What they made me believe—that I must constantly earn love, care, attention, and acknowledgement, even as a baby—was enforced through punishment whenever I demanded fairness, equality, or equity. Every attempt to claim my birthright made me shrink further.
Writing as an Act of Liberation
Now, I am an adult. No one has that power over me anymore. I am liberated—but my mind is not fully liberated. Affirmations are ongoing, yet the internalised beliefs remain powerful.
I write to overpower those ridiculed, humiliating notions as a survival act. I do not write to gain your approval. I do not write to seek your support. I do not write to diminish you in any way.
Expert by Experience vs. Expert by Degrees
You may ask me: “What is your background? Which stream do you belong to? Which methodology do you follow? Which therapy?”
You may try to force me to fit into your norms, your definitions of legitimacy. But I am on a mission to heal myself, every moment, every day—because unease has been forced upon me from birth, simply because of where and how I was born.
My writing comes from that place of pain, to reach a place of ease.
Ease, for me, means being away from scrutiny. It means being free from the pressure to prove my worth, my merit, my calibre.
You are an expert by degrees. I am an expert by experience.
The Mission: A Living Framework
My mission is to move, bit by bit, moment by moment, toward ease. To heal myself. To help my fellow beings do the same.
I have no “authorised” qualifications according to you. That does not matter. What matters is commitment—commitment to healing, to learning, to growing.
Consider me as part of the lineage of Albert Ellis. He helped himself first. Then he helped fellow human beings. Then he kept learning and eventually established an institute. He became a living framework. I am on that path too.
I do not wait for perfection to follow. I create my own healing path. Every moment, every day, bit by bit. I carry my ancestors’ pain. I am determined to leave it behind.
I write to survive. I write to heal. I write to grow. And I write to help others do the same.
Leave a Reply